Here is a list of responses to utilize while at work. They have worked well for me in the past and now hardly anyone bothers me.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
No, my powers can only be used for good.
How about never? Is never good for you?
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
And one of my favorites: I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
Hope you're having a great week!