I love a good metaphor. It's almost a requirement to growing up in the south, like brown liquor and pig races. I try to work at least one of them into casual conversation every day. It isn't as hard as you might think, especially on Mondays. Here are some of my favorites with a few regular but awesome insults thrown in as a bonus. You never know when you might need one.
He's as sharp as a bowling ball.
He's all hat, and no cattle.
When I think of all the people I respect the most, you're right there, serving them drinks.
The wheel's spinning, but his hamster's dead.
She couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
She's got a photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
If she were any more stupid, she'd have to be watered twice a week.
When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
Her slinky is kinked.
Have a great day!
Hey, I'm going to be in the money soon! Sell! Sell! Sell!
ReplyDeleteNothin' upstairs, but what a staircase.
ReplyDeleteHaha, these are hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI love "When I think of all the people I respect the most, you're right there, serving them drinks" and "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." :)
Gah! Your wit and brilliance astonishes me. BUt what I appreciate most is that we're kindred spirits. Thanx for the sarcasm-gasm. ;)
ReplyDeleteSorry, I don't really get it. None of those lines rhymed. Aren't poems supposed to rhyme?
ReplyDeleteHmm, I might need to be watered again.
Ha, loved it! :) Great fun for a monday. :)
ReplyDeleteLOL!! And how many cliches do we have in the English language? They're great in speech but don't always work in written text :o)
ReplyDeleteSo funny! I especially love the hamster one AND the one about being watered twice a week. Hee! I bet your books are hilarious! :)
ReplyDeleteHis SLINKY IS KINKED? OMG that one's hilarious!
ReplyDeleteRight now I'm hating the phrase "snowballed out of control". or the New York stereotype phrase "you know what I'm talking about". Richard from Amish Stories.
ReplyDeleteAwesome! I've never heard the slinky one...it's great :).
ReplyDeleteBwahahaha! Love the hamster line. My mission this week is to find a way to work it into a regular conversation.
ReplyDeleteI hear quite a few of those in the military too - I guess there's a high density of southerners! My favorite is the IQ one.
ReplyDeleteLove it! I guess "He doesn't have all his dogs on one leash" is the same as "he has kangaroos loose in the top paddock" -- a little bit lacking in the brains department.
ReplyDeleteMarsha, you're as flash as a rat with a gold tooth! (It's a good thing, promise!)
And the worst quote that i hate right now is "a slippery slope" man i really hate that one. Its time to invent new words, either that or I'm going back to my mad magazines. Richard from Amish Stories.
ReplyDeleteLoved these! "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."- my favorite!
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