Inappropriate gifts from relatives to my 3yr old:
1) Your old phone with the rock band app. might have seemed like a good gift at the time but now I’d like to smack you around to the backbeat drumming through my head.
2) Your extra reading glasses. WTH? Yeah, he looks nerdy and cute but you’re not going to be the one taking him to an ophthalmologist with eye strain.
3) Clothes that are 5 sizes too big. Maybe you should keep those glasses. How large do you think my kid is?
If I didn’t perform some sort of quality control his room would look like a toddler version of Sanford and Son.
4) Teens that break shower heads late at night and hide it instead of warning you before it’s your turn to take a shower.
5) Teens that use your kitchen to do ‘the cinnamon challenge’ and then gag over your dishes in the sink. Warning: There may be a video floating around of this with my hand smacking the back of my teenager’s head. I will not apologize. It was deserved...and I had to pause Vampire Diaries.
6) Buying a package of socks at Wal-Mart and noticing later there is a hole in bag and a pair is missing. Damn you freaky Wal-Mart peeps! I shouldn’t even be surprised.
7) Peeps who don’t notice when the stoplight turns green at an intersection. 2 minutes is not enough time to balance your checkbook!
8) My day job office is located on a side street off a major road. I must cross several lanes of traffic to make the turn. There is no light, there is no turn lane. Watching cars barreling toward me in my rear view mirror is like a game of Russian roulette. Maybe they’ll see me…maybe they won’t. It does give my caffeine breakfast a kick in the ass though.
Whew…I feel better. How about you? Sound off in the comments.
Update: Cinnamon challenge is a dare game where you must eat a tablespoon without vomiting. IMPOSSIBLE. Been around for at least 10 yrs. Don't you peeps watch Tosh.O????
Oh this list is funny!
ReplyDeleteThere are a few things I'd love to sound off on, but it's probably best saved for email.
What in the world is a cinnamon challenge?
Your #8 scares me! Don't die, please!
My parents always thought it was funny to give my son either the biggest toy they could find or the loudest. Big AND loud = death stare from me.
ReplyDeleteBut you always make me laugh, so I've got nothing to complain about today except for my ignorance of "The cinnamon challenge." Somehow I think it involves swallowing large amounts of the stuff.
Only a writer can make people grin with what ruins their day.
ReplyDeleteAnd for a serious tip - when waiting to turn off that road, keep your wheels facing straight. Someone near here was hit from behind, and because their wheels were turned, they were shoved into the oncoming traffic and got really messed up.
Add me to the cinnamon challenge curious--I have never heard of that.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, today my biggest little gripe are the students who, upon receiving their first test grade, say "but I can't make these kinds of grades. I'm pre-med/vet/dental[or some other professional program]."
Well, that's awesome. You should probably study more then!
When our monsters were little, it was Batteries. WTH! You could see my husband's eyes glaze over, as he calculated the dollar amount in new batteries for umpteen years to come.
ReplyDeleteNow that our monsters are Teen Wolf size, the Cinnamon Challenge is only one of the many, colorful dares that my kitchen has lived through. You may find a video of ME, right behind yours, stating the obvious..."Who RAISED You?!"... in a high squall of disapproval.
My smile inhibitor today? The fact that I bend over backwards to heal and comfort my monsters when they are speaking in tongues from feverish delirium, whining incessantly and puking in my bed. But when Mama's sick, what do you think those ungratefuls do? Hide. That's what they do. Hide. Again... "Who raised you? Have you no shame? Where's your father? Will. Some. Body. Please. Bring. Me. A. Tissue!"
Is it me?
Heading over to YouTube now to see the abusive mother vid. The baby pic is sooooo f'n cute.
ReplyDeleteIs there some way you could maybe turn at a light and then get to your office a back way? It might take a couple minutes more but at least you'll be in less danger. (Or maybe not more minutes depending on how long you sit waiting for traffic to clear.)
ReplyDeleteWhat is it with teens breaking things and then hiding them? Don't they get that the parental blow-up will be so much worse if we discover the breakage on our own? Sheesh. We raised smarter kids than that.