1) Two-year olds do not understand the term 'quality control'...they only know you are eating their candy.
2) Candy is like crack to a two-year old. A mild mannered child can turn into a kicking, screaming lunatic over a tootsie roll pop.
3) If you run out of candy, do not give trick-or-treaters dusty candle knicknacks off bookshelf. They will not be happy.
4) If you were bored and TP'd your own house you should have made sure...a) those you planned to accuse had no alibi (such as out of town, broken leg, etc..) b) your own child did not see you and mention to your husband that it might be time to get mom some help.
5) The vaguely nauseas feeling you have the next morning is trying to tell you a snickers mini might not be a good breakfast choice. Why don't you listen???
6) Suffering from candy hangover, if asked how you're doing, do not reply "just tryin' to swim in the s***pool of my life." Be aware that some people do not get your humor...namely your boss.
7) Chocolism is not an actual illness and cannot be used as an excuse if while entering invoices at day job, you type 'So and So Makes a Porno' in the memo field of each one. (actual names withheld)
That is all. Happy Monday.