Crazy Sales Girl, how I miss you. You claimed to be psychic and set up a webcam to watch your teenage son all day long. Then had to be told that your ratted hair and torn sweats were not appropriate office attire but I didn’t care. Your psychic abilities should have warned you that having your boyfriend call you in sick for an entire month would eventually lead to your dismissal. I will never forget how you spoke in a different accent every time you paged someone over the intercom. Thank you for the laughs.
Tourettes Guy, where are you now? Your abruptly screamed obscenities and outbursts of rap songs were the highlight of my day. You were my mentor, my compadre in crime. If only you had not told the wrong co-worker to **** themselves, you would still be here to take the blame whenever I felt like emitting a cursitude…or two.
Bulimic/Addict Girl, what can I say? I don’t really miss you but it is slightly more dreary without you wandering around offering everyone ‘vitamins’…that look suspiciously like Vicodin to my untrained eye. It is much nicer in my part of the office without the sounds of your heaving from the restroom next door. How could you have known that stealing office supplies and groceries from the break room would be the final straw for management? Who knew they had a final straw anyway?
Know that you are missed and your replacements are boring, pale shadows in comparison. I will strive to carry on in your absence as best I can…a shining beacon of eccentricity in your honor (except for you, B&A Girl, cause that’s just nasty).
Live Long and Prosper. Peace Out.