Friday, November 18, 2011
Very Short Twilight Letters
In honor of the premier of Breaking Dawn...
Dear Twilight fans,
Thank you for making us look sane and well-adjusted.
Dear Stephenie Meyer,
I'm sorry your fans are so obnoxious. Try using less glitter.
Sincerely, J.K. Rowling
Dear Twilight Fans,
Please realize that if you sparkle in the sun you are not a vampire, you are a unicorn.
Sincerely, Lestat de Lioncourt
Dear Twilight fan sitting behind me,
Stop yelling "Team Edward" every time Robert Pattinson comes on the screen, it's really getting old.
Sincerely, Taylor Lautner.
This is why you were in Hufflepuff.
Sincerely, The Sorting Hat
You're doing it wrong.
Dear Wizard Community,
It has come to our attention that a Dark Wizard has made a Inferi of Cedric Diggory, now going by the name of Edward Cullen. He is known to be running around with an unregistered Animagus, Jacob Black. If you have any information about their whereabouts, contact the Ministry of Magic.
Sincerely, Minister for Magic.
Dear Edward Cullen,
You stay young forever and sneak into the rooms of young girls? How original.
Sincerely, Peter Pan.
Note: Making fun of it doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to seeing it. I'm only human.