Thursday, July 5, 2012

Keepin' It Real

Fiction: The hero calmly walks away without flinching as the building explodes behind him.    
Real life: You totally crap yourself when a car backfires behind you. 

Fiction: The hero takes a bullet to the shoulder, winces, pours whiskey on the wound and cuts the bullet out with his knife.
Real life: You get a paper cut, cry like a schoolgirl, and demand worker's comp. 

Fiction: The plumber is young, handsome, tan, and snakes your pipes in return for "snaking your pipes."
Real life: The plumber looks like Jack Black after an all-nighter and charges $150 to walk in the door.

Fiction: You finally find the inner courage to shove the mean girl’s head into a punchbowl and/or cake.
Real life: Years later, you find yourself serving the same mean girl punch and/or cake. 

Fiction: Hottie behind the register at Gold’s Gym flexes his muscles and beckons you to the back room.
Real life: Scotty behind the register at Costco flashes a little man-boob, and asks if he can bum a smoke off you out back.  

Fiction: The hero caresses the pretty girl's cheek and says, "You know how the game is played, don't you?"
Real life: You try it once to the new guy in sales and HR gets involved.

Fiction: Boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back.
Real life: Boy loses girl, boy loses another girl, boy tries boy, boy loses boy, too.  

Hope you had a happy 4th of July!


  1. I love fiction. Real life is so...God, that's my life and I wanna someone to slap me.

    Brilliant post. :))

  2. Those are the world's largest baby cheecks. He's definitely going to be a trumpet player.

  3. ROFL... thanks, Marsha. I needed that.

  4. LOL. Yeah, there's definitely contrast between life and fiction.

  5. So true! Love it!

    That poor boy in the last example just isn't getting any love, is he?

  6. Ah, rampant cynicism, how refreshing. You're going on my blogroll right now! :-)

  7. LOL! I love this post. Especially the paper cut part... I have one of those right now. Ouch.

  8. This is hilarious. Love, love, love it.

    From a guy's perspective:
    Fiction: Hot girl at the gym walks over to you, smiles, and asks if you can "help" her work out with those big strong muscles of yours.
    Real: Mildly attractive girl walks over to you. As she gets closer, you can see the stretch marks popping out of the top that's one or two sizes too small for her. She then asks in a voice that sounds like Fran Drescher's, "You done with that machine? I wanna use it next."

  9. I read this last week - where's my comment?? Damn you Blogger.

    This is so funny... especially the last one, "boy tries boy". Oh how I love your sense of humor. :)


It helps to know I'm not just talking to myself.