Monday, January 31, 2011

Monday Must: Fire My Assistant

It all started with an email addressed to Connie. It contained information someone had requested in my department but when it came back the question on all of our minds was…who the hell was Connie?

My assistant was born.

Connie has turned out to be quite a handful. Mistakes are rare but when she makes one she uses my name on the documentation! I have to explain to everyone that Connie was responsible.

When I am late for work it is because I have been briefing Connie on the day’s activities. When a particularly scathing IM is accidentally sent to the subject instead of my friend one office over…Connie has obviously been using my computer again.

She should have been fired a long time ago but it’s gotten to the point where I am not sure I can manage without her. In fact, she has become so valuable that I am considering increasing her work hours to include duties within my home. If dinner is slightly burned or a shirt is somehow bleached during a laundry mishap…Connie could really help out.

Completely unrelated...check out my new mouse pad.


  1. Funny. My wife has a whipping boy as well. Only his name is Charlie, not Connie. No matter what goes wrong... my fault. It's actually a little game we play now.

  2. Great idea!!! I had an employee once who had a trick for when he wanted out of a conversation. He'd pretend his phone was buzzing and say, "Oh, gotta take this." He did it so convincingly nobody ever questioned it.

  3. Hmm, this sounds like the onset of schizophrenia... better watch out or soon Connie will be to blame for the one earring you're wearing because you forgot to put in the other one and for those inane comments that sometimes come out of your mouth, even while you're thinking "what? What does that even mean, and why did I try to say it?" ^_^


It helps to know I'm not just talking to myself.