Wednesday, May 4, 2011

High School Horror

I recently visited a high school for the first time in years. At first it was pleasant, the staff wonderfully cheerful, the halls quiet, and the posters decorating them all upbeat…then classes let out. Students streamed past me in a flood of spiky haircuts, frayed jeans, and various cologne choices, while I resisted the urge to press myself up against a wall and hyperventilate. Are they all taking growth hormones? Or am I shrinking?

Without consciously meaning to, I regressed to my high school self ducking and dodging between students, calling a half hearted excuse me over my shoulder when I felt it necessary. I emerged from the crowd slightly out of breath, palms sweaty, heart pounding but triumphant. Oh yeah, I still got it.

I survived high school by following these simple rules.

1) Look people in the eye…preferably with one eyebrow raised in sarcasm.
2) Show no fear.
3) Always appear to know where you are going, even if you don’t.
4) Never eat anything smothered in chili.

Some things never change.


  1. Ha! Surprisingly, those same rules got me through my three year stint working in a jail. Only you forgot one: don't drink the juice. Yeah, one guy really did pee in, he was the one we knew about anyway. :/

  2. I love L.G.'s comment about comparing high school to prison... I can totally see that.

    I mostly flew under the radar in high school. I was the Queen of Ducking and Weaving and Generally Staying Out of Everyone's Way. I still do that in crowds - I never outgrew it!

  3. I still abide to all of your rules. What does that say about me?

  4. OH my this brings back a recent memory--I felt the same way when I had to go to an award ceremony at my son's Jr High. It finished as lunch let out and the halls were teaming with kids! It was such a weird feeling, and the kids were all so tall and sure of themselves...not at all how I felt when I was in school.

    Angela @ The Bookshelf MUse

  5. This is why I'm so glad high school is over... on the other hand... college feels about the same:)

  6. Yup, those are pretty much the rules. :) Glad you made it!

  7. OMG this is hilarious! I was howling at my laptop screen. Oh, those days of school. Yeah, not sad they're over! :o)

  8. I used to go to my stepdaughter's school for lunch. It was an elementary school but everything was so SMALL. Even the chairs in the cafeteria!

  9. I still do number 3. Which is why I can spend an hour lost in a 10 block radius from where i want to be.

    Apparently I was super-confident in school. And people (other than me) thought I was popular. lol.

  10. Just walk around with a mild air of superiority. People will believe it and flock to you.

    It's awesome.


It helps to know I'm not just talking to myself.